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  • 2001

    I saw Modest Mouse play for the third or fourth time on September 10, 2001. It was at the Warfield on Market Street in San Francisco. They played “Night on the Sun” as an encore.

    “There’s one thing to know about this earth

    We’re put here just to make more dirt

    And that’s okay.”

    I was twenty-one. Hopeless. More than a little bit lost. I had attended the show with my boss at the time who I was certain was insane. We’d hung out a few times before and I had observed a pattern of extremely heavy drinking combined with belligerent behavior. It seemed she was on some sort of prescription medication that, when combined with alcohol, turned her physically violent toward strangers. She was a handful. She made me uneasy. She was about fifteen years older than I was so I felt oddly compelled to comply with her. I was also afraid of her. But we liked the same music and she asked me to go with her to the show so I did. After the show was over we made it back to her apartment, wasted and tired. I barely remember passing out in her bed.

    The next morning we awoke to her roommate knocking on her bedroom door, telling us to put the TV on and there it was. As soon as I saw the news coverage of what had happened in New York, I got my clothes on and took off for home. Home for me wasn’t my shitty apartment in Oakland. Home for me was in my hometown, in the house I had escaped to from my own as a teenager. I wanted to be with my best friend and her brother. I wanted to be in that house, in that yard. A place that had provided a sense of comfort I had never been able to achieve in any of the places I’d lived with my mother. They were there waiting for me. We sat in front of the TV for hours, tears falling nonstop. We stared quietly at the screen as it looped the footage over and over.

    By the morning of September 12th we couldn’t cry anymore. We didn’t know what to do. We had dumb retail and restaurant jobs so we told our bosses we wouldn’t be in for a couple days. No one was upset because no one in the entire country wanted to go to work. Seemingly, we were expected to do nothing but stare at the TV and feel bad.

    We packed up tents and sleeping bags, beer and food, drugs, cigarettes, and all the mix tapes we could find and we headed into the Santa Cruz mountains to the Big Basin State Park. It was place we had all been many times before. The drive was surreal. No one was around. No traffic to get there. No one at the campsite save for the park ranger who was decidedly and understandably sullen. We had two tents for five people. I shared a tent with my best friend’s  brother and his girlfriend. My best friend and her boyfriend took the other one. We cooked easy food, we burned lots of wood. We smoked weed and drank beer late into the night. The next day we woke up and decided it would be a fine day to take ecstasy with a little bit of mushrooms. A “hippy flip” is what we called it. I had a mixtape that was full of sun shiny songs like “She’s a Rainbow” and Built to Spill’s “You Are” and Badly Drawn Boy’s “The Shining.” Everything made sense, song after song. Nothing felt wrong. Both the weather and company felt perfect and comfortable.

    We spent the whole day together, surrounded by redwood trees. We felt full of love and understanding and as the drugs wore off toward the evening we wrapped ourselves in blankets and laughed around the fire.

    The next morning we packed up the campsite and drove from the woods to the coast. I remember a John Zorn track I’d never heard playing as I sat in the backseat and stared out the open window, watching the light flicker through the trees. The song was chaotic and beautiful and it soothed my mind. We made it to Half Moon Bay, rolled up our pants and played in the sand and the shockingly cold ocean water. On our way home we stopped at a roadside food stand and stuffed ourselves with fish and chips. We made it back to the house by the early evening and we all hugged before we tearily parted ways. I felt sad and scared but comforted by the safety I’d felt in the woods with people I was so close to. People I didn’t have to explain myself to. People who loved me. People who would have been sad if I’d died.

    I know lots of other things happened that week but honestly this is all I remember.

  • Buñuel’s The Young One

    Luis Buñuel’s The Young One is a sweaty, gritty, uncomfortable portrait of the South in 1960. It takes place on a tiny island off the coast of the Carolinas. Evvie is a young teenage girl whose grandfather dies, leaving her orphaned and in the care of Miller, who oversees the private game reserve that the island functions as. Although Miller had promised to send Evvie away to be raised in a church and attend school on the mainland after her grandfather died, he changes his mind when he realizes she is beginning to physically transform into a woman. His intention shifts to making her his sexual subservient and housekeeper. Meanwhile, Traver is a black man falsely accused of rape on the mainland who washes up on the island in search of a way to repair his boat as well as find gas and food. He stumbles upon Evvie while Miller is away for the day and she feeds him and sells him Miller’s old shotgun and some gas. Traver eventually encounters Miller and Traver’s life and safety are both threatened for the majority of the film. Along the way, Miller’s intent for Evvie is made clear as he isolates her one night in his cabin and rapes her. 

    Both Evvie and Traver are the victim-heros of this film. They both suffer and as a result are portrayed as having more virtue than anyone else in the film. Evvie is an innocent child, left alone with no control over her life or surroundings and nothing to fend off the advances of Miller or any other men who might stumble across her. Through her abuse and lack of agency we see the reality and result of men’s basest instincts in regards to women’s bodies. Traver, another victim, demonstrates another set of social problems. Through the treatment of his character, we see the dehumanization of black people by poor southern whites, struggling to keep blacks in their place. 

    Richard Dyer, in his essay “White,” writes “If blacks have more ‘life’ than whites, then it must follow that whites have more ‘death’ than blacks” (Dyer 59). Buñuel’s film presents this by starkly contrasting the morally bankrupt, uneducated whites of the film against the thoughtful, intelligent, energetic jazz musician character of Traver. The whites in this film, even the “innocent” Evvie and the “good” preacher, have an emptiness about them whereas Traver is full of determination and self-preservation. This film predates George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead, but the overall social/political implications feel similar. 

    Linda Williams writes in her chapter of Playing the Race Card,  â€œThe American Melodramatic Mode,” that “the key function of victimization is to orchestrate the moral legibility crucial to the mode” (Williams 29). Both Evvie and Traver suffer bodily harm, Evvie by being raped, Traver by being treated as an animal, hunted, tied up, and physically threatened to the very end of the film. Their virtue is staged through adversity and suffering and further, their suffering highlights the injustices present in society at that time. This particular film is striving to reconcile more than one important idea. The first being that although black people may be free and no longer enslaved to whites, the inherent and unflinching racism of the southern whites prevents any true social progress from happening. The other is the matter of the powerlessness of the young girl Evvie, and how young girls, when left unprotected, have no safety against the will of men. 

    In the end of this film both Traver and Evvie might escape a certain tragedy, however, nothing is truly resolved. Miller is left standing on the island alone, with no consequences for his actions and Traver, while he is allowed to leave the island, is presumably heading back to the mainland for a most uncertain fate. Who will believe him? Will justice truly be served for either of these two people? Like many melodramas, the questions are certainly posed but they are not necessarily answered.



    Works Cited

    Dyer, Richard. “White.” Screen, Vol. 29: No. 4 (October 2, 1988), pp. 44-64.

    Williams, Linda. “The American Melodramatic Mode.” Playing the Race Card: Melodramas ofBlack and White from Uncle Tom to O.J. Simpson. Princeton and Oxford: Princeton University Press, 2001. pp 10-44.

  • All About My Suffering: How AlmodĂłvar’s Films Subvert the Classic Melodramatic Mode

    The classic Hollywood melodrama, primarily the “women’s films” we studied throughout this semester demonstrated how a clear framework of morality is being transmitted through these movies. Mary Ann Doane writes in the chapter “The Love Story” from her book The Desire to Desire that the love story itself, seen in these so-called women’s pictures, were meant to speak to the female spectator (Doane 96). These films taught us about women’s standing in modern society as well as the limitations placed on them.

    One of Doane’s primary points is that the women of these films are ultimately punished for expressing desire in any way that isn’t deemed wholesome or socially acceptable. In reference to a character in the film Humoresque Doane writes “She must die because her excess is not recuperable” (Doane 104). The women who experience the oftentimes unhappy endings of these love stories, do so because there is no way for them to recover from their sins. Later Doane says, in some of these films, “the women quite literally love themselves to death” (118).

    Both Doane and Williams would likely agree that it seems women exist to be victim heroes, both in real life and in fiction. Women were created to suffer. We only have to pick up The Bible to know that one of the first major events in written religious history is a woman sinning and subsequently being punished for it. From the beginning of recorded history, women in stories have struggled to earn the right to be full and flawed human beings without having to pay a price for it. The Bible says “Sin began with a woman, and we must all die for her” (Ecclesiasticus 25:24, King James Bible). If we are to take films and modern melodramas in particular as moral tales for our time, we can clearly see that women persist as the ultimate victim heroes and lesson providers. The actions they take in the stories serve as both cautionary tales and blueprints for acceptable behavior. The subtext of many of the classic Hollywood melodramas seems to be “act accordingly
. or else.” 

    These films created and reinforced societal expectations of women. Women needed to be reminded that their place was in the home, wifed up, mothering children, being dutiful and that to want otherwise could mean suffering dire consequences. These “women’s films” of their time may have been disregarded by film critics as frivolous, silly, and meant to entertain the droll fantasies of housewives and old maids alike, but their messaging and impact was more sinister and insidious than we give them credit for.

    When we viewed All About My Mother, a 1999 film written and directed by Pedro Almodóvar, I did a lot of reflection on not only how it employed the melodramatic mode, but how it managed to do it in such a way that the female characters, while still suffering in a variety of ways, were not necessarily being punished for their moral crimes. As I went on to view two more Almodóvar films centering around female characters, it became clear to me that in his films Almodóvar utilizes many melodramatic storytelling elements. However, he does it in a way that completely subverts the mode so that his female characters are allowed to be fluid, excessive, morally complex, and full of many complicated and conflicting desires. Instead of these female characters either meeting a certain terrible fate (e.g., death) or ultimately sacrificing an integral part of themselves in order to keep the peace, or “do the right thing” (consider Bette Davis’ character in Now, Voyager, another classic melodrama we viewed in class, giving up the love of her life in order to maintain moral balance).  

    Women have often been portrayed as being in a position of powerlessness, forced into roles they did not necessarily choose simply because there were no other options. Almodóvar embraces modernity in his stories by portraying women as having an array of options, including complete independence from men. While his stories may be concerned with emotions, desires, relationships, all the elements of the classic melodrama, they also display a level of freedom and optimism not often seen on screen. The classic Hollywood melodramas reinforced the moral and societal expectations placed upon females in modern Western society. Almodóvar takes this idea and flips it, creating a new way of looking at women’s lives and allowing for a subtle yet important shift toward a new moral framework.

    Volver is a 2006 film written and directed by AlmodĂłvar. In the film, there is a scene about one hour into the film. In the scene Raimunda, played by PenĂ©lope Cruz, sings to an audience after she has successfully catered a large event to a film crew. At this point in the film, we understand that Raimunda is our victim hero as she has suffered some losses as well as had to commit a crime in order to protect her teenage daughter, Paula. We also understand that she believes her mother to be dead, whom she was estranged from for reasons that have not been revealed at this point in the film. Her mother, Irene, is not dead and in fact is hiding out with Raimunda’s sister, Sole. During the party, Irene is in Sole’s car and can hear the singing.

    By this point in the film, we can see that Raimunda is a complicated woman who seems to be carrying around a significant amount of pain under the surface. She is hot headed, quick to anger, yet fiercely loyal to her immediate family and close friends. When faced with adversity, she seems to be able to quickly problem solve her way into a solution. She needed money after her husband’s death so she took over her friend’s empty restaurant and started a catering business. Using her resources and charms, she pulls it all off. In this scene, she is singing a song because her daughter has never heard her sing before. In a medium close up shot, Raimunda sings as the band plays and the camera remains focused on her. The colors of her clothes as well as the surroundings are vivid, mostly reds, purples, and some blues and greens. There are a few cutaways to Sole and Paula as well as to Irene during the short scene, but the main focus and shots are of Raimunda’s face, as she sings passionately, letting loose a few tears. Raimunda is singing the titular song, “Volver” (“Coming back”) and the lyrics are essentially about losing one’s illusions about life but still having hope. Translated to English “I still retain a humble hope/hidden away/and that is all of my heart’s fortune/coming back.” She sings the entire song before the scene cuts to the next.

    Raimunda is a character whose virtue is signaled to us by the suffering she has endured and the sacrifices she has made. Almodóvar, rather than punishing her for her various sins, which include covering up a murder, gives her happiness and hope. She reunites with her mother, reveals a terrible secret at the root of her pain and estrangement, and gets her own happy ending, one that is more focused on family, love, and independence. Raimunda is one of many characters in Almodóvar’s universe who does not require a man or a romantic relationship to be fulfilled, another way in which he flips the fundamental purpose of the classic melodrama. While those films repeatedly impressed the concept that a woman’s place is married with children, keeping sexual and other desires tamed, Almodóvar allows for women to want for something else.

    We see this pro-feminist ideology again in Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown, an Almodóvar dramedy from 1988. Pepa, played by Carmen Maura (who also plays Irene in Volver), has been dumped by her longtime lover, Ivan, and for the majority of the film she is trying to find a way to talk to him as he continually eludes her. Along the way she interacts with various female characters all embroiled in their own interpersonal dramas. In the final scene of the film, around one hour and twenty-five minutes in, Pepa, after a day of complete chaos and having saved her ex-lover’s life, surveys her apartment before she goes outside to her balcony. Her apartment is filled with several people sleeping after having been drugged by a spiked gazpacho. Pepa appears to have survived her mental breakdown, after nearly being driven mad by Ivan, as well as the circumstances of her life. She sits with another female character, who is waking up after sleeping through the majority of the film, and discloses that she is going to have a baby. In a medium shot, with both women dressed in red, a prevalent color in the film, the two speak intimately with each other. This scene can be described as a happy ending, albeit a touch open-ended, another example of Almodóvar not necessarily conforming to the classic melodramatic mode. Pepa seemingly has resolved her feelings about both her ex-lover and the fact that she is going to have a baby. She seems hopeful and content in her independence. She is a successful professional who owns her own apartment which she tells the other woman she intends to keep as she loves the view. We can gather from this scene that Pepa does not need to rely on a man or conform to any traditional gender roles. The camera cuts to being behind the women and pulls back as the conversation between the women becomes unintelligible and the skyline is displayed beautifully in front of them. The credits begin to roll and music begins to play.

    The use of color in these two films, as well as in All About My Mother, and in his films in general is a key component. Almodóvar notoriously imbues his frames and dresses his characters with bright, vivid colors. His mises en scùne are often sumptuous to look at. David Batchelor goes to great length in his book Chromophobia to critique how Western philosophical traditions have often marginalized color as superficial, chaotic, or lacking in substance compared to form or structure. He writes “colour is made out to be the property of some ‘foreign’ body – usually the feminine, the oriental, the primitive, the infantile, the vulgar, the queer or the pathological” (Batchelor 22-23). This relates directly to Almodóvar’s films as it is another way in which he is being subversive in his art. Almodóvar is taking this notion of color as excess and vulgarity and empowering it. These characters may be dramatic, queer, even vulgar, but it is celebrated and it works to emphasize his underlying message that his characters can be as brash, loud, and colorful as they want. The notion of sterility, whiteness or absence of color, or starkness, as somehow being better or more refined is completely disregarded.

    In their essay “Almodóvar’s Girls” Bersani and Dutoit write about many of the complex female and female identifying characters in his films. They highlight how Almodóvar employs many melodramatic tactics, including the use of repetition (Pepa comically hails the same taxi driver several times in the film) as well as coincidence and fate in his films (Bersani Dutoit 251). More importantly though, Bersani and Dutoit talk about how Almodóvar’s use of women talking, in multiple films, is partly based on his childhood memory of the women surrounding him as a child, who sat around simply talking. This “availability” of the women wandering and talking amongst each other seemed to have provided an origin for any kind of story, even evoked a promise (252). All About My Mother, Volver, and Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown all have scenes that implement this promise, this intimate connection, this “prospective sociability” (252). It seems that this intimate sphere that women share is another subversion of the patriarchal narrative because in this space women are allowed to share, be real, connect, conspire, and inspire each other, away from the ears and eyes of men who would normally be telling them what to do.

    Not only are the women in Volver and Women allowed to be flawed, complex, and non-traditional, but they are celebrated and even rewarded for it. Rather than have their oftentimes excessive emotions and desires, as well as their misdeeds, quash their chances at happiness they instead, in many ways, get to “have it all.” Raimunda literally commits a crime by covering up the murder of her husband and gets away with it as well as getting to reunite with her mother. Pepa, who had an extramarital affair for many years and plans to keep her baby out of wedlock, is portrayed as a strong, fiercely independent, and capable woman, living with little regret and unafraid to face her future. These female characters and their fates, while having been the protagonists of very melodramatic, nearly soap opera like stories, get to be free, joyful, and make many choices in their lives without suffering dire consequences or bending to the expectations of men or society at large.

    So what? What does this subversion of the melodramatic mode mean? Why are AlmodĂłvar’s depictions of women important? It is because if we are to look to these stories to “make sense of experience” or to extrapolate “a moral legibility” that shapes and informs our attitudes, if we are to apply the limitations set for women by these stories to reality, then it is clear that by shifting the narrative and its moral implications, AlmodĂłvar is effectively moving the needle. He is taking the melodramatic mode and refusing to perpetuate the idea that women’s desires and the reality of a woman’s place in society cannot be reconciled. He is suggesting clearly and vividly that women can actually live their lives and maybe even have all the things they want. Through these depictions and these female characters, we understand the lack of shame and judgment placed on them for living their complicated emotional and sexual lives, thus moral restrictions on them shift and loosen. These films normalize and enable women to be the changeable, flawed, horny, dramatic, multifaceted, sometimes unhinged beings that they are. Like any media consumed by the masses, these representations inform our social attitudes. Women of the 1940s were provided melodramas as a form of entertainment and also to have women on screen they could identify with. Upon further analysis, specifically when asking “why do these women suffer?” we must acknowledge that these films perpetuated social standards for women and what was okay for them to want in their personal, professional, and sexual lives. If they wanted too much or not the right things, consequences were inevitable.

    While AlmodĂłvar creates melodramas using many tropes of those classics, he does so with a fundamentally different moral agenda. In the AlmodĂłvar universe women are there to be revered, appreciated, and unrestricted. Their lives can be open ended stories with all sorts of possibilities. If we can see ourselves in these women, we can see our own possibilities and we in turn are also set free. The politics of the melodrama and their impact on us then become truly apparent.

    Works Cited

    AlmodĂłvar, Pedro. All About My Mother. Sony Picture Classics, 1999.

    AlmodĂłvar, Pedro. Volver. Sony Picture Classics, 2006.

    AlmodĂłvar, Pedro. Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown. Lauren Films, 1988.

    Batchelor, David. “Chromophobia.” Chromophobia. London: Reaktion Books, 2000, pp. 20-49.

    Bersani, Leo and Ulysse Dutoit, “Almodóvar’s Girls.” All About Almodóvar: A Passion for Cinema. Edited by Brad Epps and Despina Kakoudaki. Minneapolis: University of Minnesota Press, 2009, pp. 241-266.

    Brooks, Peter. “Preface” and “The Melodramatic Imagination.” The Melodramatic Imagination: Balzac, Henry James, Melodrama, and the Mode of Excess. New Haven and London: Yale
    University Press, 1976, 1995, pp. xxii-23

    Doane, Mary Ann. “The Love Story.” The Desire to Desire: The Woman’s Film in the 1940s. Bloomington & Indianapolis: Indiana University Press, 1987, pp. 96-122

    The Holy Bible: King James Version.

    Williams, Linda. “The American Melodramatic Mode.” Playing the Race Card: Melodramas of Black and White from Uncle Tom to O.J. Simpson. Princeton and Oxford: Princeton University Press, 2001. pp 10-44.

  • 1997

    I feel like every guy my mom dated was named either Rick, Greg, or Steve. For the most part, when I think about all of them, they are interchangeable. Just one endless conveyor belt of the same loser asshole, going round and round from the time I was born to the time I moved out. She was married to one of them for about five years, but even he has turned into a coked out faceless mass that I can barely distinguish from all the the rest.

    Dave only stands out because he was the last straw. He showed up the summer I was sixteen. I was used to gross men being on my couch, but usually they made the minimal effort to put clothes on. His immediate comfort with having his flabby white body exposed was shocking to me. He wore white briefs. I hated him. Openly, for the most part.

    He complained about me to my mom. I was on drugs, he said. I was not going to school very often, he said. He could hear me having sex with my boyfriend, he said. To all of these complaints my response was essentially “go fuck yourself.” But he pushed it too far. A fresh sack of speed I’d left out in my room vanished. On another occasion he stole fifty dollars from me. These infractions aside, having to watch him walk around almost nude was criminal enough. None of my complaints meant anything to my mother. They went unheard and unacknowledged.

    I spent months telling her he had to go. I was going to move out, I told her. I had a job. I had a car. I took a test to get out of high school early about a week after my seventeenth birthday, not even half way through my senior year. I was very clear that I didn’t want to put up with Dave’s shit anymore. But there he was, in his underpants, day after day. Always sniffing and snuffling and smoking cheap menthol cigarettes.

    So finally one day, while he and my mom were both gone, I asked some friends to help me move my stuff out. It took most of the day but everything was out by that evening. I locked the door from the outside and shoved the key back in under it. I went to my best friend’s house and settled in to my new room. The story I was later told was that my mom came home that night and had a breakdown when she saw my empty room. She cried and cried. She tried to call me at my new house for the next few weeks but I had decided I had nothing left to say.